Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
