his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
