No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
