THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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