Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize