In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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