I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
