How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
