i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize