i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
