i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
