shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
