that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
