I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
