Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize