Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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