I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I could fuck to npr.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
