If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
this hospital has no fireball
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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