It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
