dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
