it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize