my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
