Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
