He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
