I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
