Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
