Porn is love you can see.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I love having hate sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
