Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
