just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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