I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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