Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do vagina's smell?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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