I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is wine microwaveable?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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