i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
