Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He has the fingertips of a God
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