marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
