all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
