It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
