Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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