I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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