i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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