I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
