i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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