when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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