i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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