woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
