Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am one with the molecules
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
