i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
