Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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