I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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