Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
