remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
