i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
