Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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