Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just threw up on my dentist
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Your penis caused this!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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