All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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