i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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