i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
