Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
