Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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