Please, let me fuck your mom
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
