Walk of Shame. In a state park.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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