My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
