yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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