My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
