I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize