My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She bit a glass in half.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My penis needs a shock collar
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
