You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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