Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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