Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
