I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
