wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
