my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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