So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
