The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
