Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
