I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
