help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
