She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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