Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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