feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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