I am puke
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
