the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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