i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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