We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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