I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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