Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
