maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
