you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
