wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
