Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Randomize
