I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
