please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
