We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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