Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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